When someone you love tells you about abuse, it usually means she has been carrying it alone for a long time, and she has decided to trust you. What you do next matters more than you might think. You do not need training to get this right. You need patience, and a few things worth knowing.
Believe her
The most powerful thing you can say is the simplest: I believe you. Many survivors stay silent for years because they fear being doubted. You do not need every detail to believe someone, so let her share as much or as little as she wants. Questions that start with why, like why did you stay, can land as blame even when you mean them kindly. It is enough to listen.
Let her set the pace
You might want her to act today. Leave, report, tell everyone. But abuse takes away control, and recovery means getting it back. Pushing her, even towards good things, repeats the pattern of someone else deciding for her. Offer options rather than instructions, and respect what she chooses, even when it is hard to watch.
Be careful about the person who hurt her
It is tempting to say what you really think of them. Hold it if you can. Feelings towards someone who has caused harm are often complicated, and if she is not ready to hear it, your words can make her feel judged for the times she went back, or too ashamed to tell you anything more.
Keep showing up
Isolation is one of the ways abuse keeps its grip. A message that says thinking of you, no need to reply, does more good than you will ever see. Keep inviting her, keep the door open, and do not take silence personally.
You do not have to do this alone either
Supporting someone through this is heavy, and your feelings count too. We support the people around survivors as well as survivors themselves. If you are worried about someone, talk to us. And if she is ever in immediate danger, call 999.